Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Do You Ever Just Want to be Alone

Do you ever just want to be alone, in a quiet place, for just a few days?  I know I do.  There's no specific reason, wanting to listen to no one's thoughts but my own and feeling the need to be still.  My life isn't particularly stressful right now, my family is going along nicely without me, work is steady, and my husband (for the moment) seems pretty happy.  I just feel the need to be alone, to take long walks, to read books, to watch the stars, and not feel the need to talk if I don't want to.  I enjoy the company of my little girls, Cally & Kimber, they are the perfect company, looking at me like they are trying to understand or most likely, because they want a cookie or scratched, nothing more serious than that, but always eyes full of love.

I find I enjoy listening to my own mind, not listening to the radio or TV, traffic noise or other people, just my own thoughts, hearing what's coming from my mind and not from others.  Sometimes, I think, you hear others so much, what's your thoughts and what's others, become a blur.  I know people who need to be
social, they don't enjoy silence and want the company of others and/or the noise of TV or radio.  I don't mind the company of others, but on a limited basis.  And it's not complete solitude I crave, but the chance to be alone and quiet is so rare that once in a while it is a blessing from the Gods when it happens.  I love hunting season and I don't hunt, but this is the few days a year I get to be completely alone at home and I cherish it.

Sometimes I wonder if this "want" is selfish, but I don't think so.  I tend to think there are more people than not that appreciate this kind of quiet time.  My boss tells me she knows when there's something wrong with me and she had noticed for about 2 weeks, I was quiet and she thought I was mad.  But no, I am simply feeling the need for that time alone, needing my "quiet time", keeping to myself, listening to some instrumental music I truly enjoy or not at my leisure.  I feel bad that she felt I was mad at her, I didn't realize my mood came across that way.  This is something I will have to pay closer attention to in the future.

I'm not sure if my husband is going hunting this year, but I will look forward to those few days anyway and hope for the best, or maybe I'll plan a weekend somewhere where no one knows me.  That's not such a bad idea either.

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About Me

I'm a country girl working in the city (50 miles/day). I want to learn all I can about how to do for myself. My husband and I dream of a self-reliant homestead where we can live and work together, raising chickens, goats and rabbits, and growing and canning our own food.